I Ain't Ashamed (ok, maybe a little)

Things I should probably be ashamed of:

1. I know the difference between a Klingon and a Romulan. 
2. I cried in front of a pack of freshmen when Brett found out via Facebook that my dog had died.
3. I have taken a midnight dip in Lake Bryan ... ew.
4. I once fed a fish and it died the next day. You do the math on that one.
5. I have ZERO self control.  I'm pretty sure that I ate half of Janie's birthday cake in one sitting.
6. While staying in a cabin in Colorado as a little child, I hid in a closet in my mom's room. I'm only ashamed of this because I tried to crawl out as my mother was falling asleep. She kind of flipped because she thought that I was an axe-murderer or something.
7. I secretly aspire to be on So You Think You Can Dance (or sytycd for fans).
8. Despite being sworn to secrecy, I will (occasionally) tell people about the time when my roommate called EMS to treat her cramps (yes, those cramps). Why would I tell that to anyone? Cause it's too darn funny, and it's just selfish to keep that much humor to myself.
9. I once walked into the men's bathroom in the MSC and ran into a (male) friend of mine. Super awkward.
10. I had an unhealthy obsession with Lord of the Rings in high school.
11. I wrote this list in the car... while driving. Don't try that at home, kids. And don't try reading a novel. It also isn't the best for driving safely.
12. Last year, I told my Dad that I was lying on the couch watching Ever After instead of getting ready for our trip to Oklahoma the next day. I was really pulling into our driveway. Basically, I'm a pathological liar.

Ok, so I don't tell you these things just to make you judge me.


I'm just bringing it these ridiculous confessions to make a point--- we don't like telling other people things that show off our imperfection.  The things I listed are really just silly memories and confessions, but if I had to actually write down and display my most intimate moments of personal failure, I would cry. Some of you may know this from personal experience because I have indeed cried while telling you about the crap in my life.


Over the past few years, I have seen the incredible value of confession and transparency. 


I had one friend specifically who struggled with anorexia. She did talk to several of her good friends about it and asked for our help, though she didn't always want it (understandably). The one thing that always bothered me when we talked, though, is that she refused to say the word "anorexia" or "anorexic" or even just "eating disorder." I think she probably didn't want the label to own her, which is valid, but I always felt as if skirting around the issue and never directly identifying the sin allowed it to have more power than it should. 


I know in my own life, I prefer to indirectly hint at my sin because it lessens the shame I have to expose to those I am confessing to. But you know what? It leaves me carrying more shame than I would have because the sin is not fully in the light and not fully exposed.

A man who confesses his sins in the presence of a brother knows that he is no longer alone with himself; he experiences the presence of God in the reality of the other person.  As long as I am by myself in the confession of my sins everything remains in the dark, but in the presence of a brother the sin has to be brought into the light. ---Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Confession is HEALTHY and brings HEALING. So what holds us back? What keeps us from approaching a sister or brother with our confession and seeking prayer and accountability?

That's easy---pride.

A while back, Jessica Motl's Facebook status was "Those who value reputation over spiritual growth will ultimately lose both." I don't know who she was quoting, but I know that the sentiment is true.  Our value of reputation is just a fear of people rather than a respect and reverence for God. Everything hidden will eventually be brought to the light, whether before men or before God at the judgement.  

Don't think that I am perfect in this area at all. I still struggle so much with the practice of confession, especially on my "pet sins." But I know that what James says is true, that if we confess our sins to one another, we can be healed. 

As one last tidbit, I was thinking a lot about this last summer when I stumbled across this video from Tenth Avenue North. It's legit.

On the Night Stand: In Cold Blood. Wowzaz. Truman Capote knows how to build suspense. It has me convinced that there are two buddies named Dick and Perry somewhere in my house waiting to blow my brains out.


On My Mind: Fin Rot. I just can't get over what happened to little Buttons. Look at him! It's like Nemo all over again. But don't worry. We're pretty sure the fins are growing back...