An Open Letter to the BB Gun Bandit

Mr. Bandit,
I'm not going to lie to you. When I walked into my room and saw the mess you made, I was ready to go Antoine Dodson on you. In case you haven't kept up with my blog, this is not only year of the brave; it's also year of the organized. You, sir, have done me no favor.
Under what circumstances is it acceptable to leave a room in shambles like this? You shame your momma. Aside from that, I still need to finish my Home Organization Binder, and you just ran off with the files on my laptop. How am I ever supposed to plan my menus and handle my finances now? What you don't realize, sir, is is that you didn't take some woman's stuff. You took her SANITY. And was that really necessary?
I'm sure you have a perfectly rational reason for doing what you did---economic plight, lack of attention as a child, the influence of violent video games, the desire for your own home oraganiation binder and an affinity for wearing women's jewelry. I'd love to talk those nothing's over with you. How about you just stop by, return the Mac and we have a cup of tea. I'll even let you try on more jewelry if you'd like. Just please give me my life back.


PS-- as many of my friends can tell you, I'm hyper aware of gender stereotypes and sexism. So I recognize that this could likely be addressed to Ms. Bandit since women also participate in petty theft. But since my roomies and I have been referring to the honorless BB as a he, OU is now male in my mind. That is all.

PS again-- Bed Intruder song.... Still funny.

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